An evolution.

Today's post is more of a vulnerable-transparent post. Instead of having some epiphany about how my life has to be, I am proposing something else in my writing: today I am suggesting that human life is fragile. And not just in a delicate sense of the world is ending "fragile"- I am talking about the type of fragile that begs each individual to examine their approach to one another, including my own.

It has come to my attention that we are fragile: We are evolving into stages of our lives that require more attention than the last. If you are an adolescent, then you need support transitioning from your twenties to your thirties, so forth. And if you are younger than you are getting ready to make life decisions that impact the next four years. All of these can make you fragile, yet not all of these matter on the smaller scales, the daily things. After all, it is always the little things we are taught that make our lives what they are. Just the other day I realized how fragile I am, and how fragile my emotions are. For the first time I experienced an immense fear that paralyzed me from becoming confident in myself, then I became inept to believe in myself. That negativity drove me to make decisions that harmed my wellness.

I don't consider myself a religious person, but I do have conviction of faith and meditation. Both strengths allow me moments of vulnerability that make me see a light in the end of the tunnel where there is joy, a contentment. Over the last few months I have been restless, fearful that there is no light at times. But, I am constantly reminded through tears and through rough patches that there is a light. In one of the most powerful short stories Tolstoy wrote, The Death of Ivan Illych, Ivan dialogues about how there is light amidst his suffering. I am by no means suffering, but I have been unaware of my fragility. And I have been unaware that others are fragile as well.

I need to hold back my fears and let my love compensate for my shortcomings. A great man once said that "The fear of love is the beginning of wisdom, and perfect loves drives out fear". I write these things because even in our most scathing times, we are still fragile. I am fragile. And then I realize the wisdom of peace.

I pray you do too.