Read this when you are sober:

"It may after all be the bad habit of creative talents to invest themselves in pathological extremes that yield remarkable insights, but no durable way of life for those who cannot translate the physical wounds into significant art or thought".

Theodore Rosack

We forgot the names we used to know.

I take this lyric from one of my favorite Arcade Fire songs because it puts meaning to much of what I am feeling in these moments. I am about to head off for the summer to L.A. and then back to Arkansas. I feel both excited and nervous. I feel excited because I am seeing faces that have become unfamiliar. I am also going back to a family I miss, but I am also leaving one behind. These feelings all leave me a little jaded to say the least.
I know we all have to move on and we all have to push forward, but it is hard to make a motion when there are forces pushing in every direction. I have once again come to loving home. It is just where I realize that I feel comfortable, and after being here over two months, being here becomes home in itself.
This is the part in life I do not care for. I am tired of being transported from place to place. I want to settle down somewhere. I want to be in communion with my friends, but I also want to be with family. I cannot have both though. So here are the hard, and fast conclusions: I desperately want to be cradled at home because I miss them, but I also want to be with others I love.
A friend wrote, "I hate goodbye's". I am no good at them, so I hate them too. Tonight I watched T.V. with my dad, an evening staple, and I also packed with my mom, which made her feel like a mom. I am also going on our back porch tonight and looking at the stars. These were/are my goodbye's. Tomorrow is another adventure, and maybe then I'll be more ready to leave. But as for now, I will do the same as I did on the ferry today, I will just sit and reflect on how blessed I truly am.
Here is to another summer Seattle.
And in remembrance, I leave with one of my favorite lyrics, a lyric I discovered here:
"How roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? And how many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand, and how many times must a cannonball fly before they are forever banned? The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind".

Thank you Bob.
Seattle, I love you.
Goodnight.

Freud by mother.

Today will go down in the history of obscure/wonderful things my mother has told me. We were going through my newly purchased underwear and I was remarking how "sexy" they looked, when all the sudden she chimed in these unforgettable words:

"Kelsey, keep it in your pants, skirts, or whatever".

I love my mother because she is just herself, and she never misses a beat.

re-mix.

Today I woke up and came downstairs only to find both parents sitting across from each other, using their computers. I took a second glance and realized that my bewilderment stemmed from an opposite scene far from what I was used to seeing: I expected me, the young adolescent, to be slaving away on my computer while they read this morning's paper. But no, they weren't. Instead, they were both typing to friends, which brings up a new idea I had. While I was sitting across from them dumbfounded, I realized that I should count the number of mothers who now use facebook. The numbers would astonish me.

So with all of this processing, I am left to conclude that my mom and dad are efficient in technology, and that my mom has a larger network than I do.And most importantly, I need to bring my computer next time to fit in.

summer findings

books.

This is the book that Ross and I just finished.
It is truly amazing.

1901.

I decided to title this blog after the phoenix song I am listening to while writing my post. And after listening to the lyrics, I couldn't agree more that this song most appropriately documents my life.

Alright, so last post was about wonderful Blue Moon, and this post will be about____ (Ugh, the Shins just came on. Hold on. It is hard to think with that sound in my ears. Forgive me all the Shin-lovers,their sound just doesn't do it for me.) As a side note, I just discovered Pandora. The jury is still out...

I suppose this blog has taken a random approach, and because Radiohead is now playing, I will get the grove on for this post. As of now, I am in the in-between stage of leaving Washington and leaving my family. Now, at twenty-one, I would love to admit this is something I am ready to do, which I am, but there is hesitancy. I realize that the minute I jump on that plane I am going into a year where there are some certainties, and then not some certainty. I know that when I get back I will be changing some things, meaning, I will be looking for a new place to live. I have some options; although, it is hard when you have too many. I am also going to be in my last year of school, which is hard to swallow. I have attended school since I was three. And last but not least, well, I can save that one. But at last the time is near, which is why I would love to highlight some incredible things I have done/learned/accomplished this summer:

1. learned: I am still a terrible person to keep in touch with.
2: I cannot make fettuccine Alfredo, but I can make many other delightful Italian dishes.
3. I can make mean scrambled eggs with cheese (this beats Waffle House's hash browns with the works)
4: I have missed my mom doing my laundry, but I need to buy a detergent that doesn't remove color.
5: I still have a ways to go on budgeting.
6: I can make any old man smile by telling him I have fresh coffee with some
alcohol.
7: Online classes are a pain, and I still procrastinate (that may never change).
8: I enjoy people more than I enjoy silence most days.
9: My music tastes are about as picky as my childhood eating habits. I seem to be more open to things these days.
10: Lady Gaga is my new muse for Halloween.
11: I tend to sing in restaurants, almost like Turrets.
Accomplished:
1. I hit my first deer.
2. I made more money than I have ever spent.
3. I made an art and craft that actually looked half-decent.
4. I gained more weight than I have in years.
5. I can do a long-distance relationship over a mobile phone.
6. I can drive a car without hitting the gas, while lodged on top of the sun roof.
7. My friends and I made special fruit watching youtube videos.
8. My hair is about 5 shades lighter.
9. I withstood one of the most uncomfortable medical examinations possible.
10. My boyfriend and I flew, and drove all over the world in one month.
11. I added my professor on facebook.
12. I have read over 10 books.
13. I can out-eat my dad, once again.


I am proud to say that this summer has been beautiful in the ups and the downs.
My only regret is that I did not experience some of this beauty sooner.
So today I sign off with Vampire Weekend.