"I've seen it all before"

Today's post goes out to Amos Lee. His song is inspiring my morning's thought. I find that music always lends me a great title, or a great sendoff for whatever thoughts I want to write. The beauty of a great song is its smooth delivery. Often times I find that words being written need that smooth delivery, too. They need a sweetness to them like beats can create for one measure. It is just a shame that the function of music won't transition into my life.
My move back to Arkansas was a broken note. I found the peace and tranquility of friends again, but I did not find the greatest peace. I still spend some days thinking of the coast. There is a gap wherever I am at, but none the size of my heart, which is acquiring enough water to drown out a needed peace I would love to feel. Moreover, the feeling I am mentally weighing will not subside unless I understand what it is.
In the last few days I have searched for what hurts the most. I have come up with several ideas that I will keep hidden for now. I do not want to use this blog as a diary for the innermost thoughts, rather I would use it for a way to reach a connection with those who might read it. With that said, I am confident that reasonable conclusions could be made from what little I have shared.
A clue though to this secret comes from the oldest truths in the universe: time. Time brings many people to conclusions that they either need to know, or do not want to believe. Time also functions as many other abstracts, but I will use it in these two contexts.
In my case, time has been leaving me little clues along the way which point to hard realities: I need to know that becoming a whole person means making mistakes, some devastating, which reveal their ugliness more later in your life than the present. I recently unpacked some decisions I have made in the past, which have brought many joyful gifts, but they have not been opened without pain. The drowning feeling I tread illuminates the immaturity of my youth. And I have a strong taste in my mouth against it. I wish that being eighteen did not come with many landmarks, namely what the next four years of your life had to be. I would not do anything differently from being eighteen, but I would have before that year.
Essentially, I will quote the lyric of my title to shed light on how I feel about many events in my life present and past. I suppose what brought these emotions on, were the revelations of why I am discontent here at times, and why I chronically feel the need to create new realities.
Today the freshmen are gathering around our campus. They are terrified and they are scared. But something tells me that the person on their right, or left will be a cornerstone person to them, whether they leave this weekend or stay forever. They are going to college for the first time, but they are also going to be living for the first time in many diverse conditions. And my only thought I had while watching them is, "Why are you here?"